February 3, 2012 at 10:35 pm (conception, Queer Families, TTC)
I was sick for about 9 days and now I’m 100% better. C got it a few days after I went to the doctor so he got to use my prescription instead of me. ha ha. Luckily it was nothing serious, just a little cold. However, my foot is still bothering me from the little car accident we had. I had xrays and it showed “no acute fractures or malalignment”. I have made a podiatrist appointment to get it worked out. I’m having issues walking on it because it feels like I’m going to break my foot into two pieces. 
Some days and some positions are worse than others but overall, it really sucks to have a foot issue. I surely do not want any lower body issues when I get preggers so I need to deal with all of that now.
It’s February and I’m on my period. ew. yuck. Can’t wait until next month and then we’ll be starting up with the sperm again. I am really glad that I’m not preggo this semester because I think I might have dropped out. My courses are really demanding and with working full time, I can’t get enough rest and I’ve stopped eating lunch on school days because there is no time. This is good for the weight loss, not good for all other aspects of my health and sanity. It’s the third week and I still haven’t figured out how to manage my time to fit everything in that I need to.
I would’ve been 36wks along this week. So crazy, right? Again, I’m grateful that I’m not dealing with pregnancy right now because it would’ve completely stamped out my graduating this year plan. I’m also grateful because I’m probably going to the UK in May when they send C for work. A new munchkin would be awesome but would also prevent traveling and we all know how sad that makes me. I think I make up these reasons that a baby would “ruin” things just so I don’t sit around thinking about how bad it is that there is STILL no baby.
I can’t wait to get back on the ttc wagon and I’m not taking any more breaks until we have a positive, sticky baby!
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November 18, 2011 at 5:41 pm (conception, RE, TTC)
I survived the HSG and the great news is that my tubes are open and receptive to babies.
YAY Fallopian tubes! Boo weird dye coming out of my area.
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September 24, 2011 at 11:14 am (conception, Queer Families, TTC)
guess who had a baby?? Lesbo Parents to Be
I am so excited for them!!
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September 21, 2011 at 9:08 pm (conception, miscarriage, TTC)
One days on my walk home from my bus stop I get caught between the little pre-k kids who get walked to who knows where. There are at least 20 kids and 3 adults. It’s cute following along behind them as they chat about their lunch or games or what they are doing that day. Every day that I follow those kids it makes me want my own more and more.
I want to watch a baby grow into a toddler, into a school age kid, to a tween, a bratty teenager and an awesome adult. I want to have the babbling conversations of toddler-hood and the silly conversations of kindergartners. I want to tell my child about how I met their dad and how bringing them into our lives made our life better. I want to teach my children the things that my parents and family didn’t teach me, and many of the things that they did teach me. I want to hold my child’s hand when we go shopping and rub their tummy when they don’t feel good. I want our kids to enjoy C as much as I do, I’m sure the kids will love him!
I feel bitter and sad and distressed that I’m not pregnant. There, I said it! I’m upset that the pregnancy didn’t last and it’s something that crosses my mind regularly, though it’s not something that I discuss regularly. When I have sad days there is no one to talk to about it, to cry to, to understand. C gets it but it’s not something that we discuss anymore. I suppose there is some kind of time limit on when you must stop feeling it and desiring it and feeling sad that it was taken away. Sometimes the loss of hope and good energy is very difficult to work through.
I hope that we can find the excitement of ttc again and that I’ll be able to move forward without feeling terrified of failure.
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August 12, 2011 at 1:42 pm (conception, miscarriage, RE, TTC)
I am finally not hormonally pregnant!! woo hoo! It took exactly a month for the hormones to go from preggo to negoo. lol. I am glad that it’s finally over with. I meet with the RE on August 26th to make plans for the HSG (tubal) test. oh what fun!
I am still feeling very weird in the lower area, I feel full and ugh. I still feel pressure at random times. I suppose it’s all part of the game. I am looking forward to figuring out if I will eventually be able to have a viable pregnancy. We do have a tentative plan to start TTC in December. My cycles should’ve started back up by then.
Wedding is 8 days away!!! Holy craps. I am able to fit into my dress again, I lost the 6lbs that I had gained. YAY! I really hope that I don’t get my first post-miscarriage period next week. I might cry a lot of it starts during this crazy, busy time. I started my period last year on Aug 20th, let’s not have a repeat. It’d be nice to have a wedding with no bleeding. ha ha.
*I’ll post photo challenge 3 later today*
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July 18, 2011 at 3:54 pm (conception, miscarriage)
Don’t proceed if you are squeamish.
Today I was going about my business and then got all crampy and went home. I laid down, put the heating pad on and waited for the horrible pain to go away. Then I felt something leave my vagina.
The thing, my friends, was the gestational sac. It has left the building. It was the most traumatic thing to happen so far, besides hearing that it was actually happening. Yes I stared at it for 5 minutes, looking at that clear little sac and the weird bloody tail. I had thought it would have left the building this weekend when the cramps were at their worst. But no, friends, it waited until I was feeling alright and returning to work to decide now was the time.
I saw my RE this morning, my lovely, nice RE, and she was very kind to us. She repeated that there was nothing in the uterus but she said she believed that it was a regular uterine pregnancy that just didn’t grow correctly. That’s okay. It’s an answer that I can handle. Lots of things don’t grow correctly – plants, food, buildings.. these things happen. My blood work showed a drastic decrease in hCG and that’s a good thing. If it wasn’t dropping on its own, I’d need a procedure to find out what was actually happening in there.
Right now, I don’t know if I ever want a repeat. I don’t know if I want to be pregnant again. My body is traumatized and it’ll take some time to heal. Emotionally I’m alright most of the time.. then I start crying for no reason. I officially hate hormones!
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July 15, 2011 at 8:06 am (conception, miscarriage, TTC)
Yesterday we got a book in the mail from our insurance company. Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy. Isn’t that lovely?! We will probably read it one day, no time soon.
I am still not feeling 100% physically. There is a low ache that doesn’t seem to want to go away but at least I was able to get some sleep last night and the pain has decreased. I feel better having slept good through the night. I still have some weird things coming out of me and that might continue for a little while. It is what it is, right?
We are not hopping back on the ttc train until next year. We will spend the next 6 months continuing on our diet and exercise plan and paying down other debts. When I’m half way through with my employment contract, we will start again. We have agreed that we do not want the added stress of being pregnant while I’m at this job. We are completely okay with our new plans and it makes us feel better. We want the next time to be better and longer lasting than this time.
We are grateful that we are able to mourn this pregnancy loss in a logical way. It does suck A LOT that it didn’t stick but it’s not the end of the world. The physical pain was worse than the emotional for me. At least we know that my body can do it, there is consolation in that. We are grateful that we got to be excited about the possibility of really being parents. There will be other another time for us!
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July 7, 2011 at 12:51 pm (conception, Queer Families, RE, TTC)
My numbers are still increasing. My hCG was 250 this time and progesterone was 7 something. YAYAYAYYAY! The nurse kept congratulating me on the phone, awesome sign!
I have to continue on with the Crinone 8% (progesterone) and that’s okay. Yesterday was the beginning of the EWWWWW that I’ve heard so much about. Apparently this stuff get built up and has to come out, as a gross discharge. It was kind of creepy. I’m keeping a better on things down there so that I don’t feel “clogged”.
I am allowed to return to my usual gym routine – must stop exercising when I feel tired, if I start to breathe heavy or if my muscles start to hurt. No exhausting myself basically. I can handle that! I don’t want to be that lazy pregnant lady. I want to be flexible and able to birth this baby without difficulty.
Today I was on a mission to not be rushed out. I had questions and I wanted answers. So, during my blood draw I asked the nurse questions and C came in and reminded of one that I hadn’t asked yet. I feel relieved that all of this discomfort I’m experiencing is normal. I don’t want the whole pregnancy to be a big disaster of being uncomfortable, but I understand if it happens like that. Some things, we just can’t control.
Symptoms: exhaustion, bloated, crampy, weepy, headaches that come and go, lack of appetite until the afternoon.
We think our expected due date will be around March 5th but we don’t know what the dr will say yet. This is based off my last menstrual period, not when we think I conceived.
We have notified the donor of the success. He is very happy for us. I got information about the geographical location of the other women that he has assisted in getting pregnant. I feel like it’s important to know where they are, even if I don’t know who they are. Luckily, none of them live close to us and no one is currently pregnant by him but me. There are only 3 other women out there with his kids (besides his ex-wife) and that’s okay with us. We’ll have a meeting soon to discuss what now. I think that’ll be an interesting topic to discuss. He doesn’t want involvement but I want to rediscuss it to make sure that is clear like a piece of glass.
You are all so awesome for your support during this long process!!!
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July 4, 2011 at 10:47 am (conception, pregnancy, RE, TTC)
My hCG went from 51 to 92. Progesterone went from 1.9 to 4. I’m going in the right direction!
More blood work on the 7th and then we should be in the clear!
We are stress free for now!
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July 3, 2011 at 11:17 am (conception, RE, TTC)
I was able to talk to the Dr office today. My appointment is for 9:30 tomorrow (July 4th) and I’m going to have an anxiety filled day until them. I asked what my progesterone level was since they said it was “a little on the low side” and it was 1.9. Yes, you fertility folks, a 1.9. That is the range of progesterone when you’re ovulating, not supposed to be that low if you are pregnant. I’m a crying mess and I am starting to lose hope already. I did google during church ( I know, I’m so bad!) and found one website that says progesterone should be 9-27 by the END of the first trimester. Maybe I’m just a slow grower? It’s 20ish days since last insemination and 16 days past fertility friends suspected ovulation. I don’t have any symptoms that are extreme to say “oh pregnant” or “oh not pregnant”. I’m tired and my stomach feels full/bloated. I get a few pressure like cramps that come once a day. Could be period cramps, miscarriage cramps or an embryo growing.
I don’t want to refer to whatever is going on as a baby yet. In the event that this is not an actual viable pregnancy, I don’t want to get into the mindset that we lost a baby. I’m one of those pro-choice people that doesn’t refer to embryos as babies and I’m going to have to apply that logic to my own situation as well. It’s not easy when it’s happening to you, but luckily I’m usually more logical than emotional, so I can do this.
I always wondered how I’d feel if I found out I was pregnant. I cried, I didn’t believe it and I was panicked. I thought about all of the things that needed to be done in order to make our apartment child safe and all the things that people freak out about when they get the news. We are overjoyed at the possibility of being parents and scared shitless, too. It’s not every day that you become a 1st time parent.
Then I wonder how will I feel if they say that this isn’t an actual pregnancy. I want to be cautiously optimistic but I’m confused and overwhelmed. I want to crawl in bed, prop my feet up (my moms advice to keep it in there, lol) and not get out until tomorrow morning. I will make it until tomorrow.. and then we’ll take it a day at a time.
Thanks for all of the Congratulations and happiness for us. If you have any good vibes, send them our way for increasing numbers tomorrow.
Today’s pregnancy test:
There are 2 lines!
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July 2, 2011 at 3:14 pm (conception, pregnancy, Queer Families, RE, TTC)
Today the dr office called back with the results of my blood tests from yesterday. C was worried they wouldn’t call until after the holiday.. but they are awesome and open 7 days a week. So, I left my phone in the freaking car and didn’t get the call, but got an awesome voicemail.
WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!
My HCG came back positive but the progesterone is low. They are having me back in on Monday to do more bloodwork and tomorrow I’ll pick up my Cronine (sp?) gel. Yea, I’ll be sticking goo-y stuff in my vagina to help the progesterone so that my pregnancy thrives. If this gel doesn’t work to strengthen things, there is risk of miscarriage. The voicemail didn’t say how low it was or how great the HCG was. All that I know until we talk tomorrow is that there is a little something growing in there.
Yesterday we are talking infertility and today we’re talking baby in April/May of 2012. Holy shit balls. At least we know that my body can obviously conceive. My brain hasn’t totally wrapped around it. What if it’s a false pregnancy or a chemical or what if my progesterone really does suck? I am so nervous but optimistic!
For now, we celebrate Baby Rango!!!
Ps to those that know me in real life, please don’t tell anyone! We are waiting until the wedding to share the news with our friends and only our moms will know sooner. THANKS!
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June 22, 2011 at 9:23 pm (artificial insemination, conception, RE, TTC)
At this time I would usually be getting excited to take a pregnancy test. I could give a hoot less about it this time. Fertility friend finally caught the crosshairs of my ovulation and it says that it was on Friday. Our last insemination was FIVE days before that. There were no live ones kicking in there, I’m pretty sure. So, I’m 5dpo in reality now, who cares! It’s going to be another wonderfully LONG cycle after I had a wonderfully NORMAL cycle in May. I think that this is happening because of my new exercise routine. I am NOT amused.
I see the RE July 1st and hopefully we’ll come to some sort of understanding about what my cycles should be doing and maybe we need to up the Metformin. I am pretty much out of ideas!
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June 19, 2011 at 9:26 pm (artificial insemination, conception, Queer Families, TTC)
I don’t think these interviews get any easier. lol. It’s always so awkward to talk to someone about something so personal! I suppose it’s easier that we don’t know one another very well so there were a lot of things to discuss. We needed to discuss his sexual habits, availability, reasons for wanting to be a donor, etc etc. We went through the health questionnaire and discussed family history and the donor contract.
It was as good as can be expected. He has some great qualities that we admire and hope would be passed on to a child. He has no desire to have any biological children-EVER. That’s not something that I hear everyday, especially from men who want to be donors. We admire his desire to help and he seems to think that we are good people. He’s heard good stuff about us, which makes us happy. Luckily, we don’t hang out in the same close circle of people so we won’t be around one another all the time in the event of pregnancy. He only asks that at some point his parents could meet us and any child that we have. We are okay with that because we know how families can be. If we live in this area long term, we’ll be running into one another from time to time so it’s not like we will be able to keep the child from seeing him. His level of involvement is right where we want it to be – birthday parties maybe. He wants to buy gifts, squeeze cheeks and go on about his life. That’s PERFECT for us.
So, we are set to use his sperm in July if I’m not pregnant right now. We’ll take it month to month and see where we go.
I’m at CD21 (8 dpai) with zero signs of menstruation/pregnancy. Meh, we’ll see what this next week holds.
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June 14, 2011 at 12:57 pm (artificial insemination, conception, Queer Families, TTC)
From top – Saturday(a bit blur because it’s 4 days old), Sunday, Monday, Tuesday (I actually peed twice today and both were dark)
What the hell is going on with these OPKs?!! Saturday the lines were equally dark and then on Sunday and Monday the test line didn’t exist. Today I have another very dark line.
Yesterday was my last insemination day – at least that was the plan. Luckily, our donor has agreed to another insemination tomorrow evening. Maybe if my egg drops some time today it’ll be fertilized by yesterdays sperm or if it drops some time tomorrow it’ll be freshly fertilized. Ugh. This has been a fun cycle – with a LOT of inseminations.
This weekend was Pride and I saw rainbow poodles! haha
Plus one of my friends showed up after a delayed flight. We got to hang out for a day and it was awesome!
we went on a Phlash trolley ride
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May 23, 2011 at 11:15 am (conception, Queer Families, TTC)
Hello Readers -
I usually don’t write much about symptoms because it can all be in my head. I don’t want to feed into my own craziness. It’s enough dealing with that outside of the 2 week wait. However, today, I will update you on my potential pregnancy symptoms? You’re wondering why, aren’t you? Because for some reason I’ve convinced myself that we had stellar timing and I have to be pregnant this time. Yes, this is only the 3rd time in a year that I’ve really felt that this could be IT.
Here are some symptoms: (starting late last night) tender nipples – especially when I lay on my stomach or if the dogs lay on me, weird off and on feelings (cramps? something weird is happening!) in my lower stomach area, higher temp than usual, frequent urination (2-3x per hour! and waking up in the night), back ache (for 3 days), increased appetite and exhaustion. Also, there is the very vivid dreams – some have been very scary and others are just random. I could be getting some kind of bladder infection that is causing the urination, weird feelings, back ache and high temp. Otherwise, I don’t know. There have been no other months where I noticed so many supposed symptoms pop up on me. I am in a state of bla right now and want to sleep and cuddle the dogs and stack on ritz crackers. lol.
I also want a freaking beef and cheddar from Arbys.. but I haven’t seen an Arby’s in months! I don’t think they exist in Philadelphia. I look them up and they are all a long drive away from me. Lame.
In 3-4 days I will take a pregnancy test. I only keep one in the house so that I’m not tempted to pee on one every day. I have good control. 
It’s be great if this was THE MONTH for us. I also hope it’s the month for my cycle buddy, Lez Be Moms! (Btw, I had a dream that we were talking on the phone about our pregnancies. lol. I’m nuts)
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